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It was a key moment in our loving but complicated relationship. 

Sometimes, though, I wonder what my life would look like if I weren’t “toughened up,” like they wanted: if I learned it was OK to be sensitive, enjoy styling someone’s hair and play with girls — or boys — if I wanted. 

I wish I could say I’ve rid myself of all I learned in the homophobic/homoerotic football matrix; some of the crusty, outdated lessons I learned die hard.

He later married political strategist Jordan C. Brown in May 2023, and the couple is now expecting their first child. A seasoned journalist, political analyst and essayist, Williams has been published in a wide range of publications, including The New York Times, The Washington Post, Politico, The Boston Globe, The Atlantic, and US News & World Report.

Colton Underwood recently opened up about his journey to accepting his sexuality, sharing personal stories from his time in the locker room to his experiences as a virgin on The Bachelor.

https://www.instagram.com/p/C4qZow3xUzY/?img_index=1

During his appearance on Alexandra Cooper’s popular podcast, Call Her Daddy, Underwood discussed when he first realized he was different.

Perkins’ coming-out story made a splash, but his modest college career didn’t translate into a place on a pro roster. Nassib, who is white, was a top-tier NFL player when he came out in 2022, but retired two seasons later; no active player has come out since. 

“From one angle, football is a hyper-macho sport where men are strong, women are cheerleaders and the weak are probably homosexual and must be shunned.

I’m pretty sure I blushed.

At the same time, textbook toxic masculinity was in full effect. 

Hazing, Gender Roles, and the Dark Side of Male Dominance

Guys took advantage of groupies, girls who exclusively slept with players. That same year, he starred in his Netflix series, Coming Out Colton. My mother and my late father wanted to protect me from a country that was unkind to Black boys, and cruel to Black boys who acted gay.

He lives and works in metro Washington, D.C.

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If I felt that way as a straight guy, then it’s hard to imagine what it’s like for a young man who loves the sport but isn’t sexually attracted to women. 

To be sure, there has been progress. 

The Limitations of Progress

Ten years ago, Michael Sam, who is Black, became the first out gay college football player drafted into the NFL.

Two years ago, Carl Nassib, a standout pro, became the first openly gay active player in NFL history. But I always shrank a little when one receiver, a loud, street-smart brother with blazing speed and an attitude, would yell out the same rape joke in the shower line on the rare, joyous occasion of a win on Saturday. 

“Don’t drop the soap!” he’d shout.

To Mom and Dad — who were born during the Great Depression under Jim Crow — my impending queerness was obvious. In very specific circumstances, it’s acceptible and even encouraged to joke about raping a teammate while standing around with a bunch of half-naked dudes, waiting your turn in the shower. 

Checking out a teammate’s body is fine.

My senior year, the freshmen were verbally humiliated, including lots of gay slurs, then put in thrift-store dresses and dumped downtown.

Just some good old-fashioned hijinks by some fun-loving, totally straight and not-at-all- queer-curious football players. We held hands in the huddle. He’d click out a word in blue-and-white plastic — PUSSY — and slap it to the back of the kid’s helmet. 

Later, at my Tennessee high school, the locker room was home to what I’ll call the homophobic/homoerotic matrix: alpha-male jocks loudly displaying their machismo, but also playing with homosexuality, albeit in a whistling-past-the-disco kind of way. 

I was sexually attracted to girls, but I was kind of a nerd, so I tried to avoid the matrix whenever possible; it made me uncomfortable.

I’m pretty sure I blushed.”

I had to accept standing in line, waiting a turn with 60 other big, smelly guys, naked save for a half-sized towel wrapped around the waist. Masculinity, we know, is a spectrum and not binary, as I’d been taught. I wouldn't trade the experience because I loved the sport and graduated college with zero student-loan debt. 

But it took me years, and a lot of therapy, to come to grips with the fact that my parents introduced me to football as preparation for life in America.

I had a secret crush on one of the defensive lineman; a receiver and I still call each other “Betty,” for some reason. An offensive lineman shot and killed his girlfriend and her mother — and himself — when she broke up with him over his abuse. 

Then there was rookie initiation. 

Each year at the end of training camp, upperclassmen hazed the freshmen.

I had a secret crush on one of the defensive lineman; a receiver and I still call each other ‘Betty,’ for some reason. We held hands in the huddle. Despite not being attracted to his teammates, he took extra precautions to prevent any misunderstandings or accidental outings.

Underwood’s public journey began on The Bachelorette’s 14th season, followed by leading the 23rd season of The Bachelor, where he was dubbed the “Virgin Bachelor.” He revealed to Cooper that he had his first encounter with a man on his 21st birthday but only engaged with men when he was single.

men locker room gay